Stories and significant changes
Katherine Orr: A Little Girl No More
"You came away a little girl, but you're going back a sophisticated woman." This is the single, most valuable compliment anyone has ever given me and I don't think I will ever forget it as long as I live.
I had always wanted to be a volunteer. But even so when it came to it, the thought of spending six months away from everyone, three months of which, on the other side of the world, scared the life out of me!
I was eighteen then, living at home, working and I just came out of a long-term relationship. I found myself completely lacking of any purpose in life. I also had serious issues at home and many personal issues I wasn't quite aware of yet. So I decided, "f**k it! I'm going to just go for it and do something radical." Luckily, I found out about Voluntary Service Overseas (VSO) through my local volunteer bureau.
After an interview, an Introductory Training Course (ITC) and a week of frantic packing, I later arrived in London, a frightened little girl. I had never felt so young and vulnerable in all my life. All I kept thinking was, "Oh my god! What have I done?" If only I had known what would happen next.
Arriving in the Philippines, we were paired with a counterpart from the exchange country, whom we would live and work with. My counterpart was Michelle. Unfortunately, however, after five weeks into the programme she decided to leave and go home.
The same phrase was going through my mind: "Oh my god! What have I done?" There I was in a foreign country with no counterpart to guide me. How on earth was I going to manage?! I felt so alone and isolated. I had to move out of my host home to live with two other volunteers. I wasn't sure if I would be able to continue my work with ILAWAN, my office placement! Everything seemed to be falling apart and there was nothing I could do to stop it.
The whole situation had an effect on the team as well. We were "one man down." But because of the uneven number of volunteers, the triplet group that had been formed was broken up at the end of the first phase so I had a counterpart in the UK. I felt an incredible sense of guilt that I was causing all the problems the team was experiencing. It was a very difficult time.
So what was I going to do? Sit back and let this opportunity pass me by or take up the challenge?
It was decided by my project supervisors, work placement supervisor and myself that I would continue working alone in ILAWAN. Also, (as mentioned) I moved into another host home. I decided to carry on!
A lot of changes took place within the group but mostly within me. I could not be the shy, meek wallflower anymore. I had to become independent, assertive and confident. And I did! Even though at times it seemed an impossible task, I got through my time in the Philippines - with a lot of help from my team and project supervisors. I produced more work and progressed personally, more than I have ever done.
I am now assertive, confident, and (more) mature. I am beginning to actually believe in myself and my abilities. And because of this, I was able to write seven English language teaching modules, translate tribal stories and cultural documentation, help put together a project proposal and make toilet bowls. But more importantly, I discovered that I already had the skills to accomplish all these. I just did not realise it until I faced my own demons!
Also, since being back in the UK, I have been able to face my issues at home.
I now have a purpose in my life and am on my way to being the person I want to be.